Well, I figured I would start a collection of quotes from Talladega Nights. Feel free to comment, but they will just be converted into the post:
“This sticker is dangerous and inconvient but I do like Fig Newtons”
“Okay, fine, but I’m still not going to call you Dad.” “Well what are you going to call me then?” “Okay, Professor Dickweed.”
“If you don’t chew Big Red, then @#% you”
“Yeah. Got it at target. It was on sale.” - Ricky Bobby giving the finger
“Hakuta matata, bitches.”
“Daddy, you made that grace your bitch!”
“Hi, I’m the girl…I’m Susan…I painted the car…we had sex”
“When I wake up I piss excellence”
“This is like Highlander.” “What’s Highlander?” “Its a movie.” “Is it good?” “It won the Academy Award for… best movie ever made”
“And Girard is sitting on the pole. Which is a statement of fact, and in no way related to his sexual orientation.”
“Oh and Ricky Bobby, I saw Highlander.. it’s shit”
“Oh yeah, and don’t try to snort the lucky charms”
“Here, I’ll put this knife in to pry out the other knife”
“I wanna thank little baby jesus, whos sitting in his crib watching the baby Einstein videos learning about shapes and colors”
The room is spinning… from all the… gayness.”
“If we wanted wussies as kids, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman”
“I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean full spread. I spread my buttcheeks.”
“If my MTV career doesn’t work out, I was thinking about buying a gun.. and selling crack. I would be like a friendly crack dealer, though. Nothing too formal. I’d just be like ‘What’s up? Want some crack?’”
“I’m on fire! I’m on fire! Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish god! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise use your witchcraft to get the fire off of me!”
“I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew”
“Shut up you little potlicker, I oughta put you in a microwave”
“I’m gonna come at you like a spider-monkey”
“I want to talk to you about snow blindness in cats. It’s affecting a lot of cats…and it scares the shit out of me”
“Dear lord baby Jesus. I want to thank you for my family. My beautiful two sons, Walker and Texas Ranger… we like to call him TR, and of course my red hot smoking wife.”
“I think of Jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai.”
“Why do you want to listen to the TV and the stereo at the same time?” “Because I like to party.”
“I’m gonna scissorkick you in the back of the head!”
“Dear newborn 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus… ”
“I like to picture Jesus with angel wings. And he’s singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd and I’m in the front row hammered drunk.”
“My teacher asked me ‘What’s the capital of North Carolina.’ I said ‘Washington D.C.’ She said ‘No! You’re wrong!’. I said ‘You’ve got a lumpy butt!’. Then she got mad at me and yelled at me.”
“You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.”
“If you say, ‘I love really thin pancakes,’ we agree? That’s ok?”
“We created the missionary position. You’re welcome!”
“Turn your heads its about to get crazy. We’re gonna make animal noise.”
“I can retire to stockholm with my husband and design currency for cats and dogs to use.” “That’s a stupid idea.”
“Is that Elvis Costello and Mos Def?”
“You be the Magic Man, and I’ll be El Diablo.” “What’s that mean?” “I think it’s spanish for fighting chicken.”
“Dear baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this harvest: Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell”
“It’s like a tractor-beam of hotness”
“Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm.”
“Its like looking up Yasmine Bleeth’s skirt”.
“I sent my application in to The Real World, and I’m pretty much putting all of my eggs in to that basket… the MTV basket.”
“98% of people will die sometime in their lives.”
“Now don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don’t you put that evil on me!”
“To quote the late, great Colonel Sanders, ‘I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’”
“Watch out! I’ll windmill ya!”
“You can’t have two number ones because that makes eleven”
“Lucious I just want to share a little piece of personal information with you, I have a chubby right now, because this is the coolest experience of my life. I’m driving a race car!”
“I wanna go fast.”
“the field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night!”
“If you’re not first, you’re last.”
“I like to think og my Jesus wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. It shows that he’s formal, ya know, but it also says, ‘Hey, I like to party.’”
“Well, with my wealth and modern technology, I think I can live to 250-300.”
“Down Karen!”
“Psychosomatic? You mean he can start fires with his thoughts?”
“It’s the fastest who get paid, and it’s the fastest who get laid.”
“I just keep trying to think, but it’s all twisted up like a pretzel. I’ve got a pretzel in my head!”
“Oh dear god….please don’t let the invisible flames hurt my good friend Ricky Bobby!”
“Shake and bake!”
“You’re either first, or you’re last. You taught me that.” “Why that don’t even make no sense boy. I was high when I said that. You can be second, third, fourth. . .hell you can even come in fifth.”
“Come on, lets go get kicked out of an Applebees.”
