there have always been struggles between my natural ability and trying to grind out a true, viable song. i have only been moderately satisfied with my songwriting, finding both my lyrics, my guitar parts, and my melodies just immature and needing much more crafting. this usually comes from trying and working hard to extract a song even at times when i have no inspiration. lately, though, songs have been coming out much easier than ever before. i find myself picking up my guitar with no real intent or direction. i don’t come in the mindset of “i need to write a song” but just start singing and playing and seeing where that goes. i have been able to formulate songs that are both personal and genuine as well as musically viable and have been very satisfied. maybe they suck and i just don’t know it, but as soon as i stopped forcing it, i could suddenly write again. ironically, i’ve heard this type of cause and effect in other people. for single folks that are trying to be in relationship, they are often told to “stop looking for it, and it will happen.” i wonder how often we force issues that we really shouldn’t be forcing. just wait, let god to work. don’t be lazy, be diligent in preparing for it, but wait for it. i worked hard at improving my guitar playing and learning how other people wrote songs, but wasn’t forcing myself to write and now I am at the point where i enjoy it.

i will be out of town for a few days doing the whole DJ thing. at times i have been positive music downloading and at times against. but when you need to DJ a formal and you are just looking for the song Da Dip by Freak Nasty, downloading songs just comes in handy. lata!

Oh, in every dream I’d fall asleep beside you pleasantly
Awake all my flings to take this moment tie it with a string
Let’s play again, tag your it, now take me by my hand
This unspeakable regret as you slipped through my plans

Can you come and take my memory
Pick apart every broken seam

Watchin’ the phone, impatience now grows
I’ll listen in again, check for the tone, you’ve gotta let me know
Staring away as attention decays
Overwhelmed, this just may be my final hopeful stand.

Walkin home I found someone, I hope you don’t mind, I’m doin just fine
Still I hear that echoing, ethereal voice upon my mind
That sang me once to sleep lying on that crimson grass
I felt the river coming up, coming up fast

Take this bitter heart, I’m sick of its stench
Bleed through to every inch of this

new song lyrics:

Her swollen red eyes tell of her pain
As she says “don’t leave me again”
Piercing to go, more hurtful to stay
Waiting for jewels, a glimmer of proof
Another place, a feeling that’s new
She’s taken her step, but my feet won’t move

Give me an hour or two
And wait for me by the phone
If you don’t hear from me
I’ll stay alone but

I want you to stay with me forever, but not today
I want you to wait for me grasping onto to “someday”
I want you to pray for me mindful of who I am
I want you to love me since I’ve drawn the line, I’m still a broken man

Five rain soaked nights have found me alive
“How is it in Tennessee tonight?”
I’m wanting to go, but know I must stay
This shivering town turns bitterly cold
Distance fully feels so alone
Drive back down that road, and have no delay

I’ll stare out this clouded glass
The outside is shimmering gray
Reside here unchanged until
I’m ready to fall down again and I…

my previous entry talked about being somewhere south of tennessee. well, now i’m writing you from somewhere in tennessee… more specifically nashville. just hangin’ out at a coffeeshop, waiting for matt wertz and dave barnes to go on. check with me too.